Thursday, January 1, 2009

Big Picture Restlessness

What do I want to do with myself?! I have some good ideas. I'm pretty sure any of them would work and I'm sure I'd be able to live in a just fine existence if I went with any one of them.

But I don't want something that just works and would provide a just fine existence. I want something exciting and engaging. I don't want a career where I address Problem A with Solution A. I want to do something where I can continue to grow and thrive and learn ALWAYS.

I call this a case of "Big Picture Restlessness". I've had this plan for a while that I'd take the degree I received into a grad school program that I've always been attracted to, and after hiding out in school for 2 more years I'd enter that job field and be happy camper working lady. But lately I've realized I'm not sure enough to commit the time and resources necessary to master a field that I feel good about but not CERTAIN about.

So, now what?

I want to take classes I haven't taken before and try new things. I want to see what inspires me and what could make me happy in the long run. And none of it has to do with money. There's just so much out there in the world to learn and explore. I don't want to cop out by thinking I've found my niche when I've found a pretty good fit.

So my new plan is a lack of a plan. And I know that by saying that, I risk being accused of lacking direction. But to that I say, "I have a direction. I'm going forward." And as for plans, I think I will plan to be surprised.

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