Tonight was very difficult.

Tonight, I had a conversation during which I found out many things I hoped for in my future are no longer possibilities.  I learned that things I still wanted dearly to happen, I have been wishing for alone.

It made me realize how horrible it feels to lose the hope and possibility for a certain dream to come true. The one bit of my future that I felt like I still had a bit of a grasp on is now just as blank as every other part.

I don't really know what to do from here.  I miss him terribly.  My heart hurts knowing that, this time, missing him isn't going to end in having him again, but will only end when the empty spot in my heart he used to fill is no longer there, no longer waiting for him to return to it.

This pretty much hurts worse than anything I've ever felt before, and I don't really know how to handle it.